Here in your arms

"you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers Hello, i've missed you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms...."

Here in your arms - hellogoodbye

why?

why do i care so much?

after all this time he still makes my heart skip a beat

he still takes my breath away

should i give it up?

it's never going to happen

it's never going to work out

but i can't

i can't let go

i've tried and it hurts too much

so i hold on....

grasping for some sort of hope...

....that i can never find

wondering if i am stupid for any of this...

and wondering why i fell so hard for this guy

and wondering if i will ever be able to stop....

when did this happen?

All of a sudden, everything in my life changed.

school changed.

church changed.

friends changed.

family changed.

I changed.....

i don't know when it all happened but it's like all of a sudden i was on a different path in life. taking a different road. my friends were going one way and i was going another. some things are the happiest things that have ever happened to me that i have prayed would happen for years. other things i never thought would happen and then all of a sudden they are at my doorstep knocking and waiting for me to respond.

I have a job.

^---- does that mean i'm an adult now?

sometimes this is all too much but it was bound to happen.

I am ready.

LETS GO!!!!

it's been a while.

I'm a horrible blogger.

i admit it.

i had plenty of things to blog about but guess what?

i don't think of it.

anyways...it's been an emotional couple of weeks. and a crazy couple of weeks.

i can't say all of on here...not by far. but what i can say i will.

i am now a junior...officially. crazy stuff.

i have a job and am steadily earning enough money to get to portland with flying colors.

and i am a fallen human who can't stand up on her own for the life of her.

OH and i'm just starting to realize how powerful a parents role in their kids' life is. make it or break it time really.

i don't know what tomarrow (or later today really) will bring. and i don't know that i am ready for it....but too bad. cause i have to go for it anyways. no reversing time. so let's just push foward.

change.

things are changing.

i'm making new friends.

i'm deciding what i really believe.

what i really want.

and going for that.

forgetting what people think.

and just doing what i think is right.

crazy.

i am pretty sure i am going crazy.

give it a few days...

i'll either go insane..

or gain my sanity.

one or the other.

let's see what happens, folks!

BIG decisions...

I have to make a huge decision.

Soon.

I have no idea how i am going to do it....

Not by myself that's for sure...

And maybe i won't make it at all.

Not sure...

But that's how life is at this point.