who do i want to be?

good question.

who do I want to be?

No, not who do they want me to be.

who do I want to be?

I've made so many decisions about my life based on what i thought other people (especially leaders) wanted or expected me to do. I've gained this reputation....but is it really me?

For example. Have i ever really not wanted to kiss a man before my wedding day, or was everyone else doing it?

Did i say that because i truly wanted to encourage that person, or because i was looking for a pat on the back or approval?

Do i really want to go to Bible school, or do i want to take pictures for the rest of my life?

Do i want to take pictures because my dad will "love" me for it, or because i love it?

Do i want to go to Bible school because it will please Pastor Greg and my parents, or because i truly love ministry?

Food for thought. Why am i doing what i'm doing? What are my true desires? What do i really love? What do i really want? What really makes me happy?

Am i doing everything right on the outside and letting a sinful heart grow on the inside?

Time to rethink everything. Put my priorities in order.

And thank God for me meeting with my mentor tomarrow. :]