why?

why do i care so much?

after all this time he still makes my heart skip a beat

he still takes my breath away

should i give it up?

it's never going to happen

it's never going to work out

but i can't

i can't let go

i've tried and it hurts too much

so i hold on....

grasping for some sort of hope...

....that i can never find

wondering if i am stupid for any of this...

and wondering why i fell so hard for this guy

and wondering if i will ever be able to stop....

when did this happen?

All of a sudden, everything in my life changed.

school changed.

church changed.

friends changed.

family changed.

I changed.....

i don't know when it all happened but it's like all of a sudden i was on a different path in life. taking a different road. my friends were going one way and i was going another. some things are the happiest things that have ever happened to me that i have prayed would happen for years. other things i never thought would happen and then all of a sudden they are at my doorstep knocking and waiting for me to respond.

I have a job.

^---- does that mean i'm an adult now?

sometimes this is all too much but it was bound to happen.

I am ready.

LETS GO!!!!

it's been a while.

I'm a horrible blogger.

i admit it.

i had plenty of things to blog about but guess what?

i don't think of it.

anyways...it's been an emotional couple of weeks. and a crazy couple of weeks.

i can't say all of on here...not by far. but what i can say i will.

i am now a junior...officially. crazy stuff.

i have a job and am steadily earning enough money to get to portland with flying colors.

and i am a fallen human who can't stand up on her own for the life of her.

OH and i'm just starting to realize how powerful a parents role in their kids' life is. make it or break it time really.

i don't know what tomarrow (or later today really) will bring. and i don't know that i am ready for it....but too bad. cause i have to go for it anyways. no reversing time. so let's just push foward.

change.

things are changing.

i'm making new friends.

i'm deciding what i really believe.

what i really want.

and going for that.

forgetting what people think.

and just doing what i think is right.

crazy.

i am pretty sure i am going crazy.

give it a few days...

i'll either go insane..

or gain my sanity.

one or the other.

let's see what happens, folks!

BIG decisions...

I have to make a huge decision.

Soon.

I have no idea how i am going to do it....

Not by myself that's for sure...

And maybe i won't make it at all.

Not sure...

But that's how life is at this point.

who do i want to be?

good question.

who do I want to be?

No, not who do they want me to be.

who do I want to be?

I've made so many decisions about my life based on what i thought other people (especially leaders) wanted or expected me to do. I've gained this reputation....but is it really me?

For example. Have i ever really not wanted to kiss a man before my wedding day, or was everyone else doing it?

Did i say that because i truly wanted to encourage that person, or because i was looking for a pat on the back or approval?

Do i really want to go to Bible school, or do i want to take pictures for the rest of my life?

Do i want to take pictures because my dad will "love" me for it, or because i love it?

Do i want to go to Bible school because it will please Pastor Greg and my parents, or because i truly love ministry?

Food for thought. Why am i doing what i'm doing? What are my true desires? What do i really love? What do i really want? What really makes me happy?

Am i doing everything right on the outside and letting a sinful heart grow on the inside?

Time to rethink everything. Put my priorities in order.

And thank God for me meeting with my mentor tomarrow. :]

am i ready?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.

I've been meditating on this verse a lot. and asking myself some questions. One of them being...

Do i love my friends this way?

I'd love to say "Why, of course i do! all the time!" but the honest answer would be...

most of the time i feel like i miss the mark. Am i truly loving this way? and if i'm not....what am i doing? and how i've been relating this to my life lately...

If i can't even love my friends, that i see not so frequently, what makes me think that i would be able to love a man this way? I can't. I just don't have the maturity at the moment to love someone (we are still speaking about men) unconditionally, all the time. If i can't even do it with my friends what makes me think that i would be able to do it with someone that i would see much more frequently. And, to be fair, even if i tried just throw my emotions and hormones into the mix and i would TOTALLY miss the mark.

All to say, that i need to learn to love people better. Because Jesus commanded me to, and in preparation for the person i will marry one day.

♥

maybe...

first off, i DO NOT want to sound like every infatuated teenage girl in the country...

i never wanted to be that girl that liked a different guy every week...

or thought she was in love with every single one of them...

but i've been learning..

that wisdom is a great and awsome thing...

but that doesn't mean that i don't like him.

and it also doesn't mean that something could come of all of this.

i refuse to be anti-relashonship...

i do like him....and that's ok...

he might just like me too...and that's just fine...

will i date him..that's another maybe. :]

falling.

Everytime i get up again

and vow to do what's best for me

i fall....

but this time...

like everytime...

i don't know if he's willing to catch me...

IF

ahh relashonships...

If this happens...

If that happens....

If she decides...

If they decide...

adolescence = not thinking about the consequences of our decisions and actions...

choose to live differently...

at the risk of what?

Rain.

Today, i was with my friends Becky and Katlynn at our church.

First, Katlynn taught me and Becky how to do this cool tap dance type thing and some ballet.

Then, we splattered paint onto a canvas with Jon.

And got lots of paint on ourselves.

After that, it started pouring rain outside so we went outside and rain in the rain.

We jumped in huge puddles that went up over our ankles.

And kicked the water so that we splashed eachother.

We were soaked and happy.

Best.Day.Ever.

a long month.

I'm pretty sure i haven't blogged in a month. =/ sorry bout that..

some new things have been happening...good and bad..

he's gone..
yet still in my heart...
deep sin...
wanting to get uprooted..
i preached...
and there is no way that it isn't going to happen again...
going to dinner with ryan yamin tomarrow...
o.O....
a new coach...
and maybe someone will ask me to be there's...?
probably not...but that's been my life...
struggle...victory...and struggle again...ohh the seasons of life...:]

I PREACHED!

soo i preached at my youth group!! i was planning it for like a month and knew it was gonna happen for 3 so this has been a long time in the making but please go listen! hope ya'll like it!

http://tinyurl.com/2whu5mm

LOVE YA!
~Jess~

just stuff.

it's been a long day.

and it's not even over yet!

I have allergies. Thus, i have a sore thoat.

My friends are going through hard times.

Broken promises are the new normal.

it is 98 degrees outside and very humid with no clouds.

i will be doing school until august 17.

My youth pastor's dad had a heartattack and thus there will not be gen church tomarrow. great.

BUT. i am going swimming tomarrow. :)

love.

I'm not totally sure about him...

All i know is that i accept him.

For the parts i love about him...and the parts that bug the crap out of me.

All of him. even if i get mad at him...something stonger overpowers that...and the anger washes away...

He has changed me permanently.

Whether i end up with him or not...

I'll never forget him.

and maybe...just maybe....i love him. :)

can i do it?

I'm not sure if i can.

But i'll never know if i don't try.

I'm not about to back down now. 

Fear does not control me. 

I will move foward. 

I will suceed.

Because i already have the victory. 

Fitting In.

"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but i have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." -John 15:19

Why is this so hard for me to grasp?

I am of God and lives as God wants me to (to the best of my ability) yet i expect to fit in with my friends...?

I am officially stupid. 

I need to stop being so frustrated when my friends don't like me because i choose not gossip, date, or do other wordly things that i know i am not called to do. 

News Flash: they won't like me. At least not all the time. I need to stop thinking that God won't open other doors for me (cause we all know that He knows that we need relahsonships). He will. He will provide for all of my needs and won't miss a thing because He is perfect and does NOT forget His children. 

Stand.

I'm in a battle. And though we are always in a spiritual battle i'm in the climax of it.

Will i win? or fall back?

I've been falling back and wondering why.

Maybe because i'm trying to charge into battle without a sword or amour.

How stupid! I'm done lying on my back, believing the devil's lies and just waiting to be killed.

I will stand. I will fight. I will win.

I will have the victory because i have the ultimate Overcomer living inside of me.

decisions.

I've made a decision.

It's over.

No more.

I'm taking my self respect back.

I'm starting from the beginning.

People who are reading this and know what i am talking about...i'm sorry. You guys are wonderful, awsome people and keep growing in the Lord. I love you.

My birthday.

The title of this blog post is a lie.

It actually has nothing to do with what i am about to say....

.....OK maybe it does. lol.

Jesus' grace is sufficient. I am not perfect. and He keep showing me over and over that i don't have to be for Him to speak through me.

And whether i think it or not He IS doing a good work in me. (here's where my birthday comes in...)

This is a new year. 15 is gonna be different then 14. I'm not going to make those same stupid mistakes. the old Jesssica is gone and the new Jessica is here.

Amen. :)

Slave to sin.

"We know that the law is spiritual; but i am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what i do. For what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do. And if i do what i do not want to do, i agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer i myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. For what i do is not the good i want to do; no, the evil i do not want to do-this i keep on doing. Not if i do what i do not want to do, it is no longer i who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

"So i find this law at work: when i want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being i delight in God's law; but i see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What i wretched woman i am! who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, i myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

"You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give you life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you.

"Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation-but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory"

I feel like there should be an amen after all of that. Let's say, i've been struggling with sin. Repetitve, addictive, annoying sin. I can't seem to escape it. By addictive, i mean that it's something i hate and love doing at the same time. Annoying right? Part of me hates that what i am doing is pushing God farther and farther away from me and the other half of me is dying to stop. I don't even know how i stumbled across this verse but i did. I'm not sure how i am going to live by it, but it gives me hope. And, let me tell you, by hell or high water i AM going to defeat this sin! No more of those stupid lies from satan telling me that i've screwed up too many times or that God isn't big enough to knock this thing out. He can and He will!

Amen.

post advance

well. the advance is over.

actually it ended on sunday...and it's wednesday 0.0

anyways! it was great!

we had a LOT of fun. such memories.

playing pictionary charades at midnight.

having cheeze-it wars when we are supposed to be sleeping (the new fill in for starburst wars)

flouncy. (don't ask, some things just don't need to be explained)

peter's AMAZING sermon.

but enough of all of that.

I learned that i don't have to be perfect. and i don't want to be perfect. and in God's eyes i am valuable, accepted, forgiven, and and overcomer.

That's what i learned over this trip.

that and seeing a new side to people....=)

and THE BEST car ride back EVER. I LOVE YOU JDubbs, Karista, and Becksters!!

There is nothing better than sitting in a car on a hot day, with the windows down and the sunroof open, listening to owl city, and being with awsome people that also happen to be good friends.

Pre-advance

ahhh before the advance.

The Generation Church Advance.
link:http://www.delmarfullgospel.org/dnn/

Anyways, the time before the advance (it's tomarrow) is always happy and exciting and sometimes slightly stressful! Packing and such.

I'm willing this advance to be different. I know i'm going to meet Jesus and i know He wants and needs to show me something. Clear some things up. I just have no idea what He is going to say or how He is going to do it.

I suppose it springs from a mindset that my problems are bigger than Him. That's so untrue, yet i believe it. Maybe He needs to get rid of some lies...

Probably. I'm just hoping i hear something from God. That He tells me something i need to hear. I don't just want a good time with my friends, i want to encounter Jesus.

In all, another blog post will come sometime in the week after the advance. I'll tell you everything, trust me =)

Wrongly Accused.

I've been wrongly accused in my time.

More now than ever...

But so was Joseph. (Genesis 37-47)

But through that experience of him being....

Mistreated,
Wrongly accused,
And forgotten.

Jesus did a great work in him

Joseph remained faithful.

He didn't waver or move away from God.

And thus Jesus made him second in command to the king.

God had a great plan for his life!

But if Joseph hadn't gone through those trials he never would have been strong enough to be second in command.

It gives me great hope and encouragement to stay strong and keep running the race.

Even when i'm wrongly accused, i'll be ok because Jesus will clear my name and bless me above and beyond what i can imagine.

He has a great plan for my life.

Forgiveness and Grace.

Something my youth pastor has always told me is....

There's always forgiveness and grace.

I guess i got that as head knowledge but...

When someone has hurt me it's easy to forget.

But i need to remember...

There's always forgiveness and grace.....

His love.

I can never

and we can never

fully grasp His love.

His love for us

His unfailing love for us.

It never changes.

It doesn't matter how much we change, His love for us never changes, because He never changes.

His love is

unfailing
powerful
strong
reliable
unmatchable
and amazing.

I want to love like Jesus loves.

I want to really understand and embrace His love.

Everyday.

For the rest of my life.

Things i'm happy about.

I figured it would be a GREAT idea to list all the things that make me happy(and i am very possibly thankful for). So here we goooo....

I'm alive.
Jesus is good.
And He rose from the grave.
And He lives in me.
Meghan (aka strawburry17 on youtube) shipped the contest prizes today..
So i will get a tshirt and bracelets by next week.
I have amazing friends.
Even when everything falls apart, Jesus is holding me together.
I can, have, and will overcome sin in my life.
I get awsome encouraging texts from awsome encouraging people.
The truth has and will set me free
and i will find the truth
There is going to be a guest speaker at gen church tomarrow.
It's 10 days until the GC advance.
I have a cat.
Chapstick pwns.
Jesus loves me.

The end

:]

The Good Emotions.

I've been emphasizing a lot lately about how important it is for me to let go of all my pissed-off-ness feelings.

and trust me i've done a lot of it lately

(Lexi will tell you that ;))

But today as i was outside i realized that it's just as good and normal for me to release the good emotions!

I wasn't totally sure they were there but as i was outside helping(ish) my dad with the yardwork i realized they are there.

In the midst of running around the yard and doing random crazy stuff and being loud i just started to laugh.

I haven't laughed for nothing than just because life was good for a long time.

And i realized that being happy is very dependent on my state of mind.

I have to want to be happy. and realize everyday that i can be happy.

I just have to let myself be. :)

To top off the day with a good story....

So, i was outside with my dad when my mom was inside cooking dinner. She called for me a couple times from the window and i didn't hear her. After she practically screamed my name i heard her, freaked out and went running for the window. Well, when i got about three feet in front of the window my feet slid out from under me and I went crashing onto my bum. It was hilarious to say the least. I recovered quite quickly and stood up in about three seconds. To see my mom looking at me trying not to laugh her head off. As she described it "I saw you running and then you were gone in a split second! and then you shot right back up again!" All in all i almost peed myself and am i praying that the grass stains come out from the backside of my favorite jeans lol.

So anyways! I am going to go do some school and be happy with it. Go to my friend meghan's live show and show kindness to someone, just because that makes me happy. I'd encourage you to do the same. :]

Overwhelmed

Sometimes i feel so overwhelemed.

Everywhere i turn someone wants something from me.

Mostly school and leadership responsibilities.

and when i have a bunch of baby Christian friends that need advice and wisdom.

I don't know what to do with all of it at times

Sometimes i just want to throw it all back and give up. It feels like too much.

I feel so inadequate to be giving people advice or wisdom or to have the leadership positions that i do.

But as i told my friend Lexi =) when she asked me what i was going to do.....

"and believe that if God wants me in these positions and friendships that He's going to give me the supernatural to move foward and do the work He's called me to do right now"

I'm believing for that. God is more faithful than i ever am and He WILL give me the strength to do everything that i have and want to do on a day to day basis. =)

family

It's mother's day. So of course i'm thinking about family.

I realized something today while the following were happening in my parents' bedroom.....

David was jumping around and singing

Jeremiah was grabbing him and telling him to shut up

Enoch was reading the flavors of the jelly beans we got my mom

My mom was telling us how much she loved us

and my dog was barking.

I felt a little overwhelmed but then it hit me...

this is MY family.

If MY family was just like some else's family then it wouldn't be MINE.

And i am perfectly happy with the way they are

Whether it be....

Loud
Crazy
Insane
Hyper
Weird
or just plain noisy.

I love them the way they are and i need to remember that more often.

Rampage.

So for the past half hour I have run around my room and house cleaning. I have no reason or idea as to why i did this. But it felt good. For no good reason i was pissed, and i didn't act like i was ok. I slammed a couple doors and ignored my brothers more than once. It felt good. Not to sin, but to just be mad. and be ok with being mad. I didn't try to make myself happy i just let myself be unhappy for a while. I'm still not happy but i'm ok. I feel better. Like i let go for a while. I didn't worry about what i was going to do later. I didn't worry about what everyone thought of me. I didn't worry about anything. I just ran around my room and cleaned it top to bottom. I found the four phones in our house and put them on their proper bases. I threw something in the recycling. I took out the garbage. I let my body just focus my anger and pissed-off-ness and just emotion into something productive and it felt good. It felt good to let it go. Not to shove it inside waiting for someone to come along and set me off. It felt really good. and I think i'm gonna do it more often.

Happiness.

Someone told me something this week that shook me to the core.

It's ok to be happy.

I honestly don't know why this is such a hard thing for me to grasp.
It's ok. It's not a sin.

And the best part is...

Jesus wants me to be happy.

But i don't know how. I've constantly self proclaimed myself to be super sereous.
Has that stolen my happiness?

No, it's not just that.

The devil has stolen it. The enemy who is thirsty to destroy my soul has done it.
I know what i must do.

Take it back.
The enemy IS NOT allowed to have my joy or peace.
Yes, that is what i will do.
Take it back.
Take it back.
Amen.

hospital

ahhh we never know what life will bring us....

So friday i had a blemish in my ear and it got infected and drained. The next day the skin behind my ear started to hurt and the blemish drained again. I woke up on Sunday and my whole neck hurt and it hurt to move my neck. I started taking motrin that evening and on monday monring my mom took me to my pediatrician the next morning. He said it might be staph and took a culture to send to the lab. He gave me an antibiotic and and said it was definitely a cellulitis infection in my skin below my ear and my neck. He told my mom to watch it carefully and call the next morning if anything changed. In all, it hurt all over my face, head, and neck the next morning. I went back to my pediatrician and he said that he was going to call the infectious disease specialists at the ER of our local hospital. He basically wanted to ask them what they thought and see if they wanted me to go to the ER and see them. Well, they wanted to see me. So i went to the ER with my mom (my wonderful youth pastor met us there) and we waited. I told them everything about ten times until they finally decided what to do. Then the craziness really started...

A nurse walked in with an attitude the size of her IV needles. The ER was swamped that day and she had to give IVs to babies. Never fun but that did not mean to she had to be snotty to me. Anyways, she couldn't find the vein in my left arm (after fishing around for it, ouch!) so she moved to my right arm. She found the vein and got the blood work but then the needle infiltrated (pulled out of my vein and was just lying under my skin). We didn't know that though. When she gave me the saline my whole arm blanched (turned white very quickly). She thought it was cool and did it again not knowing that the needle wasn't in my vein. She gave me the antibiotic and my arm started hurting a LOT. I told my mom and she got the nurse and she said it was fine. The doctor came in and said it was fine. Then the doctor came back (after my mom dragged her in the room because i was crying in pain) and looked at the bottom of my arm that was cherry red, a sure sign of an infiltrated needle. She got the nurse and she took the needle out and sent me on up to the pediatric floor of the hospital. The nurses were much nicer and they numbed up my left hand, with numbing cream, so i wouldn't feel the needle. They found the vein and i thought that the craziness would end. It did not.....

They started giving me the antibiotic and i was fine for the first hour and half but then my head started itching and my scalp turned bright pink. I thought it was because i missed my shower that day because i was in the hospital. Well, that wasn't why because my whole torso started itching and it, also, turned bright pink. I told my mom and she freaked out. She went right into the other room and told the neartest person. They said my nurse was on a different floor but she would be back in just a few minutes. Well, that wasn't fast enough. My mom describes it as she was watching my face swell up and get blotches right before her eyes in a matter of minutes. It took about thirty seconds for my mom to go right back out there and inform them that her daughter needed to see a nurse NOW and she didn't care if it was her "official" nurse or not. The other nurse person came in and said that this happens to a lot of people who get this antibiotic. She stopped the antibiotic and gave me benedryl and and started the antibiotic again a little slower. I feel alseep immediately from the benedryl but when i woke up the next morning (don't worry i did not sleep through the whole night, the nurses would not let me and i was in a bit of pain) and they started the second dose of the medecine and i sat up i felt like i was having an asthma attack. My chest hurt and it was hard to take deep breaths. My mom RAN into the other room and freaked out on the nurses. She came in and listened to me breath, and cough, and said they were gonna wait to see if it got any worse. Then the doctor came in and did and said the same thing. Me and my mom are thinking "wait until what i stop breathing or turn blue or something falls off?!" Finally, my Pediatricians's partner (technically i'm still under my physician's care and orders even though i'm in the hospital) came in and i told him what happened and he gave complete orders to stop the antibiotic immediately, give me benedryle, and pulmacort (a lung stimulant). After that, they basically said that my face was looking fine so they decided to send me home. I was feeling better after i was there but honestly the antibiotic did more harm than it did good.

I shall keep you all updated concerning my condition. I'm sure i'll be fine. =) thanks for all the prayers!! They mean a LOT to me!! love you all and hope to see everyone of your beautiful faces soon! =)

I have learned a lesson.

I have learned something.

I cannot have happiness from myself.
I cannot gain happiness from the world.
I cannot depend my happiness upon other people.

In the same way.

I cannot find peace within myself.
I cannot find peace in the world.
Other people cannot give me peace.

Jesus can make me happy.

Jesus can give me peace.

He has.....and He will.



By the way, other people don't want to give you peace or happiness they just want you to have it.

Those moments.

The moments...that make up my life.

The good.

The moment when i see my mom's face when i wash the dishes after dinner when she's tired so she can watch jeopardy. Without being asked to do so.
When i'm holding a new born baby.
When one of the little girls i babysit ran toward me in the hallways of church screaming "JESSSSIIICCAAA!" and jumps into my arms.
The look on a young mom's face when i offer to babysit for free.
When i buy the groceries for my mom and she realizes i don't want her to pay me back.
Or when i get a text from one the people i admire most in the world.
Or when i can encourage a struggling Christian with a Scripture verse and a kind word.

Or the bad moments.
When i fall back into a sin i used to struggle with.
When i disobey my parents.
When i forget to read my Bible.
When a lustful thought enters my mind.
When i say something stupid and hurtful to a close friend.
When i ignore the words God is speaking to me.

But whether good or bad. They're there. They make up my life and God sees every one of these moments. Food for thought, eh?

A Lesson Learned.

I always have to learn things the hard way.
I was doing just great...or at least i thought.
Of course that was when i fell.
It's a horrible feeling.

When you think you're going back to the person you were before.
I don't want that to happen.
Pride is such a bad thing.
Maybe i need to start applying the Word instead of just reading it.
Probably.

Life will go on.

With a lesson learned, that is.

youtube!

I have a youtube! =D

I have had one for a long time but i have just started posting videos!

Here is the link! www.youtube.com/IamGodsandGodsalone

OH and follow me on twitter if you'd like! www.twitter.com/IamGodsalone

my favorite youtubers: Strawburry17, Princess92u, Polkadottedcam, Nanalew, thatveronicagirl, and last but not least zoemakila. go watch their vids and sub if you like em! =)

Humbled.

"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" -1 Corinthians 10:12

I read this verse last week. Amazing how sucha good verse left me so quickly.

I have so much to learn.

Yes, i have grown much from who i was but i have such a long ways to go. Let's say, i've been humbled.

I thought i was humble but God really put me in my place. It hurts. God has a plan. I always seem to have to learn it the hard way.

A Beginning

A start.

I want to write down my thoughts and ideas.

Don't ask me why.

I don't know.

But i want to.

Here we go.

=)